Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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