i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
