One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
