I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
