HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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