i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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