You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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