her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize