you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
