You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
