i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
