Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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