She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
