i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
