This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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