She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Is it because I queefed?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
sick fucks of a feather flock together
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
