I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
