Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
