weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
