Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
All the doctor said was why
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
