before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
