At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
