...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
