You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
