You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
