Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
