so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
