At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
