Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
