Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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