apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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