Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
