Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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