My first STD was from a foam party
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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