And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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