i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
