It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
