I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
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