Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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