...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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