Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
