I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
