I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The uberlube is also flammable
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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