I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
