Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
ttyl tear gas
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Randomize
