I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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