This show inspires me to have sex in space
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
