It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
