Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
You made out with two different species that night
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
