dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
