do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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