Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
