Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
