I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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