I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the day after is always just damage control
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
