i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
