3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize