the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize