I'd wear matching sweaters with you
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
