Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
