I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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