My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
