ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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