I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
