i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
