i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
