When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
