google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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