Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
