What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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