I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
