She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
