this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
