i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
