I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
