We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
