I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize