i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
