id be glad to
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
