I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize