I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think a kid would responsible me up
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
