She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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