you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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