i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
