Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
