i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Text me some of your sweat
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
