Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Just cropdusted the office
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
