my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Drunk is a universal language darling
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
