I feel great
I just peed on a car
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
