i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
