Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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