he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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