96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
